If you’re still reading this, then I’m assuming that you’re not here to jerk off.  If that be the case, I’ll continue my story.

Heather and I have known each other for a long, long time.  I first spoke with her online when I was 19 years-old.  That was back in 1998, and if my math is right, then I’ve known her longer than her own husband, and far longer than anyone who attends her events or models for her sites.  There’s no way of knowing a person for that long without some kind of connection, and that connection was built over many late night conversations on AOL Instant Messenger.  Back then, I was a wayward FA who was sick of dating women who hated themselves.  Heather was radiating with the confidence and charm that I looked for in a woman, and it was clear that she was the person to talk to; picking her brain would help me when it came to meeting girls that could handle the kind of FA that I wanted to be.

Nearly fifteen years later, I maintain that I was right, and that her friendship laid the foundation in creating the FA that most of you know and love or hate.  I also maintain that she was a different person when I met her in 2006.  By that point, it was certain that her life was her work and her work was her life, and keeping those realms separate just wasn’t possible.  These realms didn’t mix well, and I began to resent her for it.  Certain people and certain instances contributed heavily to this resentment, and by the time 2008 came to an end, I didn’t want anything to do with her.  She never gave up, though.  Even though I made it obvious that I didn’t want to be bothered, she and her husband both made an effort to reach out to me every now and again.

This past Monday, we met up for the first time in four years.

Most of the personal issues I have or had with Heather were ironed out over the last several months, thus making it easy to sit with an old friend and not have any awkward moments.  Without the distractions of a bash atmosphere, I was able to recognize the person I had known from back when I was a teen.  There was no mistaking her, especially after she broke down after telling me (in so many words) how she missed my friendship, and how hurt she was that a friend of 15 years could be so angry with her.  There will always be haters when it comes to a public figure like her, but the scorn from a long-time friend is not easily dismissed.  After having been betrayed by a number of people I held dear, I understood all too well.

Just like her, I have my own collection of haters stashed away in a closet that I seldom open.  Despite four years of avoidance and some bad blood, Heather insisted that she stuck up for me whenever she heard the same tiresome song: that I’m boisterous, that I’m an arrogant asshole, a wanna-be, that I stole Fizzy Lifting Drinks, and that I’m constantly putting on an act.  I’ve heard this all before, and it tends to come from the same people who live their lives in their computer chairs when there isn’t a BBW bash to attend.  If Heather failed to set the record straight, then allow me…

1) It’s not an act.  If I wasn’t loud, over the top, or over the line, then I simply wouldn’t be me.  You think it’s an act?  Come down and see me the next time I visit my home turf in Long Island.

2) Don’t mistake confidence for arrogance.  Unlike the creepers who bring cameras to bashes and hide in the corner, I celebrate my orientation, and prefer to enjoy it with like-minded people.  I can talk about it freely in any setting, and if you think that I think that that makes me better than you in any way, then put on your big boy/girl pants and up your game.  If you can embrace the bash spirit and let it guide your hand in your day to day life instead of wearing it like a dress for two or three days, then maybe my confidence wouldn’t threaten you as much.

3) If I was ever an asshole to you, then it’s highly likely that you deserved it.

Moving right along, Heather and I healed what needed to be healed: a friendship that existed long before bashes and pay sites dominated the BBW universe.  I got to see the person I knew 15 years ago.  I suspect that she’ll be back to juggling her business and her personal life when she gets back to MA, thus making the classic Heather less accessible.  I’ll always be frustrated over that, but at least it’s comforting to know that the Heather I knew from the 90s hasn’t disappeared completely.

That was the question that one Pauline Potter had for Dr Oz and four women of the BBW universe.  This past week, Susanne Eman returned to New York City to have another chat with the good doctor about her lifestyle, and this time, she was joined by other recognizable faces from “fetish” sites much similar to hers.  After the last encounter he had with Susanne, I’m guessing that Oz knew in advance that he couldn’t convince any of these girls to accept his help (because dieting and weight loss surgery can prevent spontaneous combustion), so his plan was to determine that they were all insane.  However, the Man Behind the Curtain isn’t qualified for that kind of diagnosis, so he called in our old pal Lex Luthor, known better as Dr Keith Ablow.

Before Luthor could dissect the women who dared to ask if they had to be thin to be happy, Oz introduced a few women to help promote the idea that fat women should be miserable.  Oprah couldn’t be there that day, so in her place was Pauline Potter, who was just recognized by Guiness as the World’s Fattest Woman.  Here’s the clip.

Why’d YOU choose this, Pauline?

Hmmm…for the benefit of those who don’t know what I’m getting at, let me backtrack a bit.  I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting Pauline at any of the events I’ve attended around the country over the last six years, but I most certainly remember the website that celebrated her ascension to the 700 lb mark that she claims to hate so much.  It was another one of them pesky “fetish” sites, and before it was even launched, she ran a private Yahoo Group called The Seven Hundred Pound Club.  The sole purpose of that club was to scream from the rooftops about how much she loved gaining weight and how beautiful she felt when she was showered with attention.

So what possessed her to do a 18o?  I’ll give you a hint: it wasn’t for health.  Much like that slob Donna Simpson, Pauline’s significant other decided that it was time to pick up and go.  Suddenly (and, once again, just like Donna Simpson), Pauline realized that she had to be a mom again; that no one was around to raise her kid(s) and double up as a butler on top of being a boyfriend or husband.  Might I remind you all that neither woman was chained up and forced to eat from a funnel.  Both of them had the power to take control of their lives and their nutrition at any time, but chose not to.  The attention they bathed in within the darkest corners of the BBW world gave them power, so they kept going until they were reminded just how powerless they truly were.

I’m not surprised that neither the Man Behind the Curtain nor criminal mastermind Lex Luthor wanted to address any of that, much like how I wasn’t surprised to see that no bodybuilders were present when it came time to compare human hearts on cookie sheets.  Yup, no Dr Oz show would be complete without some kind of dog and pony show, and for this presentation, the women were asked to hold up human hearts taken from the bodies of “normal sized” people.  Oz insisted that the human heart must increase in size and work even harder to function in the body of a larger person, but once again, I saw no body builders on the panel.  I saw none of the guys I observed at Powerhouse Gym in Syosset; none of the guys who sucked down steroids like it was candy.  If anything, their hearts are more at risk of a malfunction than any of the women who appeared on The Dr Oz Show this week, but I suppose that’s easily excused so as long as your ideal body runs parallel with his.  Men and women in the world of professional bodybuilding abuse their bodies more so than any gluttonous obese person I’ve ever known, but they’re not fat, and ignorance is bliss.  Besides, if Oz DID have them on, viewers wouldn’t be inclined to drop hundreds of dollars on the diet products they see during the commercial breaks.  You know, the ones his sponsors are pushing; the ones that don’t work.

All in all, I commend the girls for picking up where I left off and treading into the lion’s den.  There was no way in the world that any of them were going to change the good doctor’s view of fat women, because if that ever happened, Oprah wouldn’t allow him in her treehouse anymore.  Nevertheless, they had the courage to go against the grain, and in the process, they made a few points that may have rang a bell or two in the minds of their audience.

This entry is about the rhetoric that he’ll surely be throwing at her; the same song and dance he gave her last time.  He’ll lose his composure over a difference of opinion, insist that he knows better because he’s a doctor, and then threaten her with diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, pulmonary embolism, and maybe even brain damage.  Maybe he’ll throw his question cards up in the air again, too.

I said “pulmonary embolism”, right?  Yes, I thought so.  When he’s done assaulting Susanne–a woman who won’t listen to him–I’d like for him to pay a visit to Long Island to pay respects to a friend of mine who did, and died of a pulmonary embolism nonetheless.

I had the pleasure of working with this friend for nearly two years.  She was nearing her 4os, single, and any insecurities that she may have harbored about her social life or approximate weight of 230 lbs had made her rough around the edges.  We clashed at first…in fact, I got into an argument with her about the OJ Simpson verdict on my first day, and two months of tension followed.

All of that changed during a casual conversation on a slow Saturday afternoon at the office.  She had interviewed one male co-worker after another, asking them about the kinds of girls they liked.  I, who worked quietly at my desk, was the only guy she hadn’t asked yet, and her curiosity insisted that I be included in the conversation.

“So, Bruce…may I ask what kind of girls you like?”

“The bigger the better”, I told her with authority.

I had my back to her when I answered, and I wish I could have seen if the look on her face was as animated as the response I got from her.  She had never met a guy who prefered fat women over thin ones, and never would have guessed that such a guy would be so open and confident about it.  She wasn’t disgusted, though.  In fact, the next question was “so if I gained more weight, are you gonna invite me to those crazy night clubs you go to?”

Christina and I were friends ever since.  I’ll never know if she understood my orientation, but I do know that she most certainly respected it.  Through picking my brain, she learned enough about FAs to peg none other than my friend Michael, who replaced me after I was fired for speaking out against a horrible boss during a staff meeting.  Mike, from what I’m told, was caught checking out the chunky blond girl in the funding department, and that’s when Christina stepped in and said “you gotta meet Bruce”.

I last saw Christina in 2008–I ran into her at a Taco Bell (forgive me…Qdoba had closed and there was no Moe’s around).  She looked like she had lost about 45 lbs, and fashioned a new wardrobe and hairstyle.  She looked great, and happy, and it’s comforting to know that my last encounter with her was nothing at all like the first; that I last saw her smiling, and energetic.

Christina was admitted to the hospital on Friday and died of a pulmonary embolism overnight.  Just like how I can’t be around to attend the Oz taping, I also can’t be there to pay my last respects to someone who believed what he’s been telling America for the past two years; that obesity is death.  Christina was never obese, but slimming down didn’t do her any favors aside from giving her more confidence in her appearance.  It could have been stress that contributed to her death.  Maybe it was her smoking habits.  Maybe it was a combination of many different things.  The point is that Oz could have taken a look at Christina and insisted that she was healthier than “ticking time bomb” Susanne Eman, only because one woman was significantly larger than the other.

Looks can be deceiving, and Oz has his own ‘man behind the curtain’ that he doesn’t want you to see.  Several men, actually…all of whom are selling diet products that are designed to fail so you can keep spending your money.

To validate his point, this took a shot at Dimensions, claiming that Heather BBW and Goddess Patty were among the many pin-ups responsible for its deterioration.  Dimensions has been around for decades, and it’s undoubtedly the most popular forum for BBW and FA resources and discussions, but this forum fell on its ass long before links to pay sites were being posted.  Did this reader account for the countless insecure women, closeted trolls, and sexual predators that have plagued Dimensions since its online inception?  Well, it’s likely that he falls into two of the three aforementioned groups, so probably not.

Women do pay sites for different reasons, and because of this, not all of them will behave the same; not all of them deserve the scorn.  Some women do it simply to have an edge over their friends when it comes to meeting men at bashes.  These women are easy to spot, and yes, their behavior can easily ruin a weekend event or even a relationship for a friend or loved one (goodness knows it’s happened to myself and to others I’ve been close to over the last few years).  But what about the women who do sites just for an added income?  Or to just feel pretty?  How about the ones who enjoy the liberation that comes with embracing their confidence and sex appeal, regardless of what naysayers will think of them?  Wouldn’t it be fair to assume that their spirit and bold strides have inspired their fellow fat girls to do the same?

I’d say so…just like I’d also say that such graceful, beautiful women are partly responsible for the BBW world’s evolution.  More people turn up in the forums and the bashes year after year, and it comes down largely to bold women of all ages who are determined to prove that an FA’s ideals aren’t just fantasies.

Sometimes you just gotta take the good with the bad.

Suzanne French isn’t aiming to be the world’s fattest woman, but if you went out to dinner with her, you’d think otherwise.  Nicknamed “Suzilla”, she is ranked 4th in the world of competitive eating.  The clip above is a trailer for her new TV series, and within the first 2o seconds of the clip, she’s ordering 15 grilled steak sandwiches.  For herself.

I can’t physically eat like that.  If I did, and did it often, I’d make Jess look like a stick figure.  Speaking of Jess, if she and Suzilla were next to each other on the lunch line, and someone were to overhear an order placed for 15 steak sandwiches, the first thing they’re going to do is look at Jess and assume that it’s all for her.

By the way, Jess can’t eat like Suzilla, either.  Research suggests that Suzilla will always be able to eat larger quantities than someone Jess’ size because human flesh and organs can expand and contract like elastic bands.  Suzilla is somewhat petite–literally thin-skinned–allowing her insides to push it out more to make room for the 15 grilled steak sandwiches that she’s about to put inside it.  Jess, on the other hand, is nearly four times Sue’s size, and the thickness of her skin will put restrictions on just how much food her stomach will be able to hold.  Ever wonder why the skinny Japanese kid always beats the fat dude at the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest?  Well there’s your answer.

Now put me and Suzilla next to one another.  I have no idea what this girl does as far as exercise, but goodness knows that her diet is in outer space.  Somehow, some way, she remains slender.  Me?  I eat nothing but egg beaters, grilled meats, and green beans throughout the week, I go to the gym to lift heavy weights and get in a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio 4-5 nights a week, and I get in my carbs on the weekends.  Despite my efforts, which include a solid diet and exercise routine, I’m still unable to get under 180 lbs.

I’d love to be able to eat like Suzilla and have my BBQ ribs whenever I please, but I can’t, and it’s because of genetics.  Age factors in, too, but it’s largely due to genetics, and Suzilla’s exploits prove my point better than anything else I’ve seen.  Another point that Suzilla proves is that voracious appetites don’t belong solely to the obese.  Yes, thin people can and do regularly eat large quantities of food high in fat and carbohydrates while fat people can eat healthfully and see no change in their appearance.

I’d love to see Susanne Eman return to the Dr Oz Show with Suzilla right next to her.  Oz would flip his shit.

2011 has been a difficult year for several close friends of mine from within the BBW and FA universe.  One of them is an FA who’s been forced out of his home by his own sister.  Another is a supersized girl who needed out of an abusive relationship and had nowhere to turn until a mutual friend stepped in and offered a spare room, and due to the severity of the situation, this friend wasn’t a minute too soon.

More friends of mine are struggling.  I’m in no position to help anyone monetarily, and Jess and I don’t have the room in our small crawl space for anyone to stay with us, so I started Rounder Roomies for friends and friends of friends.

One thing I want to make clear is that no member is obligated to do anything; this isn’t some Christian Children’s Fund type of thing in which you can adopt a BBW or FA for 18 cents a day or something.  If you happen to have extra space in your house or apartment and wouldn’t mind a companion to share in the bills or just crash for a few weeks, then please make it known.  If you prefer to live with like-minded people and be free of potentially judgmental room mates, please make it known.  If you’re looking to move for whatever reason, be it by choice or circumstance, please make it known.  If you have any information regarding housing that can accommodate larger folk, please make it known.  If you know someone who would or could benefit from being a member of this group, please add them.

Best of luck to everyone trying to find a place to call home, and happy holidays.

There are a few other clips from this taping available for viewing.  In short, Gaesser is advocating HAES; insisting that it’s easier to get a fat person fit than it is to get a fat person thin.  Now, I’m no doctor, but my girlfriend can tell you that he’s spot-on with his claim and his dismissal of this obesity epidemic.  Not only did Jess do a good share of swimming in high school, but she was one of those geeks spending hours on the Dance Revolution games you see at Jillian’s or Dave & Buster’s.  You can take one look at her and be floored when you see how fast she can walk through large crowds in the subway, or see her shoveling snow outside.  She lives a very active lifestyle, but she’s still over 400 lbs while I eat lean and get in loads of strenuous exercise throughout the week, only to find that my bodyweight just won’t go under 180 lbs.  Given these scenarios, and given Gaesser’s testimony, is it still insane to dismiss the obesity epidemic and just accept that age and genetics play just as much of a role in our appearance as diet and exercise?

It is for Dr. Oz.  After all, if he DOESN’T argue Gaesser’s points, then he won’t be the poster boy that he is for the multi billion dollar diet industry that pays top dollar to advertise their faulty products during his commercial breaks.

So what does Oz do to challenge Gaesser’s claims? He has the guy run around the stage with an 80 lb vest on.   Look, I’m not a doctor, but c’mon now…common sense is common sense.  OF COURSE it was challenging for Gaesser to run up the stairs with an 80 lb vest on…he’s carrying nearly half his body weight on his shoulders!  His legs aren’t used to it, so naturally, a dramatic increase in weight would hinder his physical attributes.  Walk into the locker room on WWE Raw tonight and you’ll find dozens of guys at his height who carry that “extra weight” on a regular basis.  I’ll bet Oz isn’t going to point a finger and deem them unfit, just like I’ll also bet that he’ll insist that a person carrying those extra 80 lbs daily—in the form of body fat—is a walking heart attack.  If you’re 80 lbs overweight, your body and your muscles are used to carrying that weight on a regular basis, and contrary to what Dr. Oz says, you’re not going to fall if you jog upstairs.  Not unless you’re a klutz or slip on a banana peel.  You might be slower than a lighter person, but you can still be fit.  In fact, you could even be in better health than the lighter person…how many lightweights do you know of who smoke several packs of cigarettes per day?  You think any of them can handle the stairs with or without the vest and not encounter any difficulty?

When I appeared on Oz’s show with my friends, I knew that none of us had a snowball’s chance in hell of changing his stance on this fabled obesity epidemic—a PhD often gives the recipient the idea that they’re never wrong.  But now, he’s getting a message very similar to ours—from another doctor—and the best thing Oz could do to back his own claims is make his guest run up and down the stairs with a weighted vest on.  This feeble attempt to tell another doctor “I’m right and you’re wrong” is the dent in his armor that people ought to watch for.  Aim hard enough for it and you’ll expose him; you’ll expose the fact that he puppeteered by Oprah and the big diet industry to peddle plans and products that don’t work.  If Oz agreed with Gaesser’s claims, then less people would pour money into these plans and products, and we wouldn’t want THAT now, would we?

This is why we can’t have nice things, folks.  There’s no unity.  Just endless cries of “me me me”.

The feedback I got from my Dr Oz appearance was positive overall.  Most are in agreement that Oz is a douchebag while I presented myself well and proved that FAs aren’t limited to the aforementioned self-serving, anonymous little weasels that use the subculture as a spank bank.  While I consider the appearance to be a success, I’m sure there are plenty who think quite the opposite.  That’s fine…I’m not bothered by that and I’d most definitely deserve a talking-to considering how strongly opinionated I am on most things, but let me ask you this: when it comes to fat discrimination, who are you going to turn to if you want to do something about it?  Me?  Or the spank bank weasels?

We live in selfish times.  Deadbeats come in all sizes and cultures, and we have just as many people in ours who will never be satisfied; no matter how much you give, it will never be enough.  In my years, I’ve learned that the ones who do the most complaining are normally the ones who contribute the least when it comes to whatever the problem is, and this BBW subculture is teeming with them.  There are exceptions to this—bold and brave exceptions—and they may not like what I’ve been doing in recent months, but at least I’m doing SOMETHING.  Halle Berry wouldn’t have won her Oscar had it not been for Mammy; someone had to roll with the punches to make the world a safer place for her.  That’s the stage we’re in right now, and if you’d rather turn your attention to the porn collectors and one-night-stand wonders, then all you have to do is look in the mirror when you ask yourself why fat discrimination continues to plague your world.

I used to think so, but that all changed shortly after I started working for my current employer.  I’ve only been here for five weeks, but in those five weeks, I’ve noticed that three out of every four women weigh anywhere between 200-350lbs.  The job itself is awful, but at least the scenery is nice, as they all regularly dress to impress when they report to work; they all look very nice and appear confident.

Of course, I’m way too analytical for my own good.  Maybe it’s a part of being a Virgo, but then again, the fat/thin ratio I just gave you was the exact opposite at my last job.  The company worked in the same industry, and operated two blocks down the street, but the women all looked like retired prostitutes.  They looked anorexic, wore excessive amounts of makeup, and their shorts and skirts were worn so high that you could smell who or what was in there the night before.

So…what makes my current employer different?  How or why is it that fat women are in the majority of this office’s female population?  Maybe it’s because our pretentious recruiter/trainer might have a few issues with insecurity.  The girl looks and sounds like Blossom, which is unfortunate.  It’s quite possible that she’s aware of just how unfortunate this is, seeing how her personality isn’t doing her nay favors, because I’m beginning to think that she’s filling this office with fatties in a petty effort to feel more attractive.

Well the joke’s on her, because every time she looks at me with smiling eyes, I find myself wondering what her problem is, and why she can’t look more like the other women who work here. 

I wonder how that would make her feel.

Not only did Jackie not get an apology, but Ashley Madison took it a step further and kicked her while she was down.  From a legal standpoint, she deserves it.  There is absolutely no way she could have known that the picture above would be used in this manner several years after it was shot, but she still sold the image to a stranger and knew that she would retain no ownership or rights to use it.  At the end of the day, there is absolutely nothing she can do to have this ad pulled from papers or press charges.  Having said that, perhaps it’s best that everyone just drops this, seeing how any attention that comes to it only fuels Ashley Madison to push the envelope further.   After all, they’re calling it like they see it.

Well now I’m gonna call it like I see it.

This ad easily could have featured a poorly dressed slob of a woman (or man) sitting on a couch littered with dozens of empty beer cans and cigarette butts, but it doesn’t.  Perhaps that’s because the people behind the ad resemble such a visual when they get home from work, but I digress.  Had the ‘NO’ girl been a cancer patient, a woman with special needs, or a stereotypical embodiment of a culture or religion, it never would have made it to print.

Senator John Edwards broke his fidelity when his wife was dying of cancer…was he an Ashley Madison customer?  You think Biderman would allow an image of Elizabeth Edwards on her death-bed to be printed in an ad like this if such an image was available?  Probably not, seeing how these cowardly bullies would fear the backlash.

This new ad has nothing to do with promoting a website or encouraging infidelity.  At this point, the people at Ashley Madison are going out of their way to trample all over Jackie while insisting that all fat women—regardless of what they do to beautify themselves—are disgusting, and there are no federal laws or activist groups to step in and stop it.  That’s just how Biderman likes it, and his goons are mocking a girl who dares to say that bigger women are and can be sexually appealing.

And she’s right, because you want to know what else I see?  I see men cheating on their thin wives with girls just like her at the BBW functions I attended.  Whether I’m in New Jersey, New York, California, or Nevada, there’s always at least one guy who has a thin wife or girlfriend at home somewhere.  They got no problem attending these functions in search of what they presume to be easy sex, but once they return back to the outside world, they’re unable to admit that they prefer someone like Jackie over whoever is sitting at home, thinking that they’re at a card game with their friends.

At the end of the day, we’re talking about a website that endorses extramarital affairs.  Having said that, asking for or expecting any decency is only going to make us look foolish.  Instead, I’ll simply point out how foolish this ad campaign is, because not only did it alienate any customers who were thinking about cheating with a fat woman, but every closeted fatty-lover who reads The New York Metro is now getting off for free and wondering who the ‘NO’ girl is.  I’ll also point out that girls like Jackie are starting to make waves in film and television, and that the ad you see above wouldn’t dare poke fun at someone like Melissa McCarthy, Gabourey Sidibe, or Brooke Elliott.

This is bullying.  Plain and simple.  At this point, what I’d love to know more than anything is if Noel Biderman ever had any fidelity issues in any of his previous relationships.  After all…who’d want to cheat on this???…

For a minute I thought I was looking at Homer Simpson.