How-To Guide to Hook-ups

Posted in Uncategorized on January 23, 2014 by uncannybruceman

Yes, I’m still alive.  I logged into this WordPress account for the first time in about seven months and saw that people still actually read this fuckin’ thing, and yes, I’m still alive.  I’m single now, you see…I support myself in a nice apartment with the help of a nice job, and I’ve taken every opportunity to enjoy what’s left of this life of mine.  2013 was a good year.  Probably the best year of my entire life, as it was overflowing with successes and fond memories.  I went to Las Vegas three times, swung by San Diego, did my due diligence in NJ, and met many lovely people along the way.  In other words, I’ve been too busy to have anything to bitch about, and if I’m looking to help anyone build his/her self esteem, I’ve determined that it’s easier to accomplish when I’m spending time with them in person.

So what broke my blogging silence?  A sleazy little hipster from the northeast.  This punk has been a thorn in my side for several years.  I’ve never wronged him in any way.  All I’ve ever done was put him in his place whenever he huffed and puffed and bloviated on Facebook.  Whether we were discussing current events or arguing over the legitimacy of Pluto as a planet, this would-be intellectual was capable of nothing other than throwing rocks from the safety of his computer.  I’ve shown him kindnesses in person and even offered him transportation to an event that was several hundred miles away, but I’ve come to find out that this squirrel of a man simply hates everyone who refuses to buy into his image as an intellectual and/or refuses to suck his vagina.

His latest obsession involves contacting women I meet (in private) and slandering my name and character.  If he sees me in a picture with a pretty girl he hasn’t yet tried to score with, it’s Troll Boy to the rescue!  Said girl will get a dossier containing detailed descriptions, criminal records, and most importantly, a list of women I supposedly slept with…and this is all coming from a person who cannot be friends with you unless you allow him into your bed.  Every dossier ends with “he’s a grown man who acts like a child”.  Well, I’d rather be a grown man acting like a child than a fraction of a man acting like a teenage girl.

So, in the interest of full disclosure:
1. I’m happily single and actively dating.
2. I don’t sleep with every date, as it’s simply not my goal.  I love flirting, and I’m told that I’m a good kisser, but on the first date, I prefer good company and conversation.
3. When I DO sleep with a date, it’s usually after a connection has been established; after I grow comfortable with her.
4. Unless I ask for something exclusive, then women I date need to cope with knowledge that I’m seeing others.

And that’s how I usually conduct my business.  I deviated from this practice last month, and it wasn’t even 12 hours later in which I was reminded why it was a bad idea, so I’m going to stick with what works.  There is no better way to be than open and honest.  No deceptions, no tricks, no lies…every girl interested in getting to know me will know what to expect, and if she’s not down with it, then she can spend time with someone who CAN provide her with what she wants.  Keeps me drama-free.

And with that said, I’m off to work.  See you all in Vegas in March!

As They Say, “Stay Tuned”!

Posted in Uncategorized on May 13, 2013 by uncannybruceman

The appearance that Jess and myself had made on I’m Married To A…has finally been aired, and for the past 45 minutes, I’ve been inundated with messages on Facebook, Twitter, my phone, my personal email, and even this very blog space.  I fucking hate the fact that it’s a Sunday night, because if this was a Friday, I’d be partying hard like a winning candidate in an election for public office, because this has most definitely been an exciting evening.

Doing this project was quite an undertaking.  Aside from the phone calls and meeting that had to go into this, there’s also that fear that our story would be twisted around into something more along the lines of shock TV.  The people at VH1 assured me/us that this was going to be the exact opposite (no Honey Boo Boo’s here), and they most definitely kept their word, as the following piece is one of the most positive representations of the BBW/FA world that I’ve ever seen:

http://www.vh1.com/video/misc/907818/meet-bruce-and-jess.jhtml#id=1707074

I loved how it turned out, though I must say that the best lines were left out.

It’s important for people to understand why I did this.  Yes, I’d eventually like to publish a book about my experiences in the community, and yes, I’d like to also see a spinoff show to cover the many topics that couldn’t be squeezed into this program, but most importantly, I’d like to see more men and woman put themselves on the map.  I want to see people become more vocal.  We see so many people attending bashes and having the time of their lives, but how many of them retain that lively spirit and bring it to work?  This subculture will not evolve or garnish respect if everyone stuck to living private lives or kept fat women as their dirty little secret. 

I want to express my deepest thanks to the people who joined me and Jess in this amazing experience.  I’d say more, but, I’m so excited over how well this show turned out that I’m simply scatter-brained.

Dare to Be Different, Dare to Be Great. (this message doesn’t apply to Abercrombie & Fitch shoppers)

Posted in Uncategorized on May 11, 2013 by uncannybruceman

Everyone has been buzzing and bloviating about comments recently made by Abercrombie and Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries regarding his products, or more specifically, who ought to be wearing them; who they’re intended for.  I don’t know what the exact language was, but, I really don’t care, and I’ll get to that in a moment.  The story is making waves because he doesn’t want A&F to include plus sizes.  He simply doesn’t want fat kids wearing his product…he’d rather see them PURCHASING his product for others.  At first, the story was that A&F products were/are intended for “cool people”, and a week later, the message changed to how the ravishing, suave CEO (HOORAY FOR SARCASM!) doesn’t want “ugly people” to be seen wearing anything from an A&F store.  But again, I suppose he’d got no issues with such people buying his products, huh?

The BBW/FA community is up in arms over this, and I want to say “rightfully so”, but, why would I?  Because I’ll tell ya what, folks, I’ve not seen a single cool person in an Abercrombie & Fitch shirt since I first noticed the brand in 1999…right after Stussy was out of style, and Panama Jack before that, and BUM, and the list of ‘fashion flavor of the month’ goes on and on.  I think Billabong is still around, because America will never be short of stupid teenagers who think they’re sticking it to their parents and their teachers by wearing a shirt that says “bong” on it.   Wearing A&F clothing doesn’t make anyone attractive, either, because believe it or not, thin people can be hard on the eyes, too (just look at Mike Jeffries and his surgically enhanced smile), in which case, a paper bag would probably provide a better service than an A&F shirt. 

Anyway, clothing lines like this tend to be popular among folks who lack individuality, so the only way they can express themselves and get attention is by joining in on whatever the hottest trends are.  This tends to involve buying clothing that looks about identical to anything sold at Target or Walmart, and buying it at 2-3 times the price because it has a certain name on it.  Having said that, Mr. Jeffries should probably shut down A&F and retire now, because being trendy doesn’t make anyone cool or attractive. 

Still, the backlash from the BBW world has been pretty strong…strong to the point that even Melissa McCarthy is getting involved despite passing on being a role model for fat women a year or two ago (I believe she said that she’d be cool with waking up one morning and finding that she’s completely emaciated). 

This fat girl rage is not going to convince A&F to start a plus size line. 

Now, before any of you ladies try to tell me that I don’t know what it’s like to be shunned or made to feel like an outsider or an unwelcome guest, hear me out.  I know what it was like to be the fat kid in school.  I also know what it was like to come from a blue collar family and live in a white collar neighborhood, and I also know what it was like to have to defend myself against mobs of bullies because a certain faith was practiced in my household.  And yeah, I also know what it’s like to be shunned by my own peers, because we got too many people in the BBW world who will crucify anyone who doesn’t placate to their desires or share in their beliefs (where’d the “acceptance” in size acceptance go?).  Guess what, folks…the same oppressors who worked hard to make us feel small, ugly, and insignificant because we were mentally or physically different ARE USUALLY THE SAME TRENDY, PRETENTIOUS DOUCHEBAGS WHO SHOP AT ABERCROMBIE & FITCH.  Why on earth would you ever want to join in with a lot like that?

If you’re gonna rage about fashion designers who slam doors in your faces, then call the people at Torrid and give them an earful.  YOU are their target market, yet they still insist that their hottest items should only be made up to a certain size.  That means that we have a fat women’s clothing store that doesn’t want fat women shopping there, and you’re all torn up over Abercrombie & Fitch???

When I was about 12 or 13, a local magician (or illusionist…whatever the PC term is now) came to my school to do a show called Dare to Be Different, Dare to Be Great.  It was a performance in which magic tricks and motivational speaking came together to encourage children to pay more attention to their dreams and ambitions as opposed to whatever the popular kids were doing, whether it was drugs, smoking, or buying overpriced clothing at stores like Abercrombie & Fitch.  He said the words between every segment of his lecture: dare to be different, dare to be great.  He achieved his goal, because his words stuck with me, and twenty years later, I still think back to them whenever it comes to something like wearing a kilt or speaking out against popular ideals or behaviors. 

Oh, and there’s nothing different or great about being an Abercrombie & Fitch customer.

Three months ago, 45 people congregated in Buffalo and dared to be different and dared to be great.  We had a fun-filled evening at a Buffalo BBW dance party that was thrown together in less than two weeks for the sake of a VH1 documentary, and a few close friends joined Jess and myself in sharing our thoughts about the BBW world and how friends, relatives, and total strangers receive us.  We talked about what we love about this community, what we hate about it, and worked closely with our producers to promote the idea that love and respect do not have weight limits.  Jess wasn’t thrilled with the project, but I thought it was a move that needed to be made and it couldn’t have been done without her.  It’s a move that needed to be made because I think it’s time for more of us to come forward.  Mike Jeffries’ comments should be enough to inspire our subculture to speak up and tell/show him just how wrong he is when he says that fat people are uncool and undesirable.  With that said, I’m glad our episode airs tomorrow night.

The time for preaching amongst each other ended years ago…it’s now time for us to be more vocal about who we are.  We will be ill-received by some.  In fact, we’ll even be ill-received by some of our own, because there’s always someone who wants to fold their arms and say “he doesn’t speak for ME”.  And they would be right, because I DON’T speak for them.  I speak for myself, and I prefer to be heard by the next generation of fat girls and admirers who don’t yet believe that they’re not freaks of nature that belong in cages for the amusement of A&F customers.  I speak because I want the new blood to be inspired the way I was when people from our subculture appeared on TV in the early 90s, and yes, I also speak because I would like to publish a book about the thoughts and experiences I walked away with when I disappeared from the subculture’s watchful eyes in 2009, and I also want to see a reality show that shares the BBW/FA subculture in hopes that it will garnish more respect. 

Accolades are appreciated, but not desired.  What I desire is for people to watch this—whether they love or hate me—and realize that if we continue to stand up for ourselves and share our stories, then people like Mike Jeffries may begin to think twice about making derogatory comments about us while actresses like Melissa McCarthy might be considered for more than just ‘the fat character’ whenever a new movie or TV show does a casting call.

“I’m Married To A…” begins this Sunday on VH1!

Posted in Uncategorized on April 18, 2013 by uncannybruceman

I FINALLY found a clip of the trailer that everyone in the world has been telling me about.  Go figure…I agree to do a TV spot despite the fact that I rarely ever watch TV…

Anyway, the show is called I’m Married To A…, it begins this Sunday evening on VH1 (check your local listings for time).  No, I don’t know which week our episode will air.  All I can tell you is that one half of an episode will be dedicated to me, Jess, and our collective and respective stories.  We did well in avoiding fetish talk, or anything shocking or sensational, which is probably why we didn’t get the attention that the cross-dresser got during this 3-minute piece.  That’s good, though, because our intention was to present a BBW/FA couple and the community they came from with integrity.

And yes, the camera does add 10 lbs.

I’m Married To A…

For All The Pay Site Girls

Posted in BBW/FA/SSBBW with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 1, 2013 by uncannybruceman

BBWs and their larger brethren have been making money with adult websites for over a decade now.  Take a look inside, and you’ll find just as many characters and gimmicks (and in some cases, drama) as you’d find in the wrestling business.  In the 80s, Hulkamania ran wild.  In the 90s, everyone who resented their boss wore an Austin 3:16 shirt.  In recent years, millions of children are proud members of John Cena’s Cenation (or however he spells it).  With every generation, the wrestling business has something fresh and exciting to make money with.  In the world of BBW adult entertainment, however, only one gimmick consistently dominates the rest: feeding and gaining.

I’m not gonna lie and tell you that I don’t get swept up into this fetish, because I do.  To see a gorgeous woman insist that she looks better in a fatter body is everything I’ve ever fantasized about, and to see one work her way up the scales is wildly erotic.  In recent years, however, my stance on the subject has changed some, and it’s because of people who say things like this:

“hell i think the woman is beautiful the bigger she gets so id be lying if i said i didnt want to know if she is still packing on the lb’s but if shes not then i think the people who are paying good money in anticipation of a new trip to the scale video, should be informed and have the choice to jump to another active gainer. feeders are a huge part of the plus size community and deserve to be accepted as much as the rest. and as sad as it is when some one dies you still have to remember that that person had free will and made a choice and i for one respect it.”

This was a comment recently posted on that super-popular blog I wrote about someone well-known in the industry as well as the subculture itself.  When you look beneath the grammatical errors, you’ll find an implication that women who engage in extreme feeding and gaining are just as interchangeable and replaceable as headlights on your car.  If one of these girls stops gaining?  Or just fuckin’ dies?  No biggie, because this guy is simply going to find someone else to fill the void left behind…and then he wants respect.

I wonder if this guy is a father, and whether or not he’d give a speech like this to a 700 lb daughter who smoked and ate fried chicken all day.

This person does not represent ALL FAs, but sadly, he represents an alarmingly high amount.  It’s difficult for me to read a comment like that and not take offense to it, because I know a lot of women who earn money in this line of work.  Doesn’t matter if there is mutual admiration or hatred between myself and (*insert pay site girl here*), because they’re still people.  Some of these people died way before their time.  Two of them were friends of mine, and it fucking BURNS me to know that while I wept, several cock-jerking fap masters either shrugged their shoulders or got mad that the site was taken down before moving on and paying their $9.95 to see another girl devour two pizzas on her own.

Another dear friend of mine feared that she would be next.  She recently weighed in higher than she’s ever done in the past, and she was worried that she was on her way to immobility and deteriorating health.  Fortunately, I was able to interject before the situation spiraled out of control.  One month after teaching her some basic yoga, I’m pleased to report that she’s 15 lbs lighter with improved strength and mobility.  Thousands of men will probably shun her for it, but I won’t, and yeah, I’m a feeder.  Her friendship is ultimately more important, and I want her to be around the next time I visit her neck of the woods for another fun dinner with her and her man.

Knowing that such a small thing was enough for her to change her life for the better, I urge ALL pay site girls to follow her lead.  I’m not your father, I’m not your husband, and in most cases, I’m not even your friend.  I’m not going to tell you what to do with your free time…but if something troublesome should come of your chosen lifestyle, the guys who flatter you and worship you will flatter and worship someone else if you decide to make the changes that my friend recently did.  Are people like that worth the effort you put in?  Feeding and gaining can be fun.  And wildly erotic.  But not if your friends have to bury you while guys like this take their lotion elsewhere.  I’m a fan of feederism, but I’m also a fan of keeping a body strong.  So, if you’re looking for a comfortable balance in order to stay healthy and enjoy this erotic practice, then by all means, contact me.  I want to see you big and beautiful, and I want to see you strong.

Obama a Closet FA?

Posted in BBW/FA/SSBBW, Uncategorized on March 25, 2013 by uncannybruceman

Ever meet a repressed homosexual?  I’ve known a few over the years.  They’re some of the most miserable, cantankerous people on the planet.  That’s not to say that I think poorly of gays, mind you….but if you were to push your stomach to the limit at a Chinese buffet and then not have access to a toilet for 24 hours or longer, wouldn’t you be frustrated?  Now imagine having to hold in your very own sexuality for whatever reason.  When you’re lying to yourself and to others regularly because you feel compelled, I’d imagine you’d be a difficult person to be around.

When it comes to repressed FAs, there’s an unfortunate twist: some of the dirty little secrets they date (when no one’s looking) are likely already fragile.  Even in this subculture that assures them that fat girl-loving men like me exist, many women cling to doubts about their appeal.  Once they meet that closeted Guy Smiley who woos them in a private setting and refuses to take them anywhere in public, they’re likely to turn away from this community and its promise of acceptance, and give in to the fear that they’re not desirable.

I recently had a conversation with a few people over a You Tube vlog.  An attractive SSBBW posted a 37-minute piece of her mind concerning her frustrations with the men she’s encountered since she’s been active in the BBW/FA world.  Part of the rants focused on men who care more about their fetishes than the women who entertain them (which we’ve got plenty of, sadly), but the part that struck me hardest was about a closeted friend of hers.  She spoke highly of him, and made it clear that this was a guy with a good heart and a good head on his shoulders…but all of that was thrown out the window once she mentioned that he has to curb his orientation on account of his job.

I’ve never heard of an employer turning a candidate away because he’s married to a fat woman.

There’s no information on who he is or what he does.  All she said was that he was “goin’ places” and “gonna be president one day”, so let’s assume that this friend of hers works in politics/public office.  America’s first black president was recently re-elected for a second term while marijuana and gay marriage are being legalized in certain states.  Winds of change, folks…this isn’t the America we knew in the 20th century; more cultures are being represented on our television sets as well as in our government.  Why can’t the BBW/FA culture be represented?

Oh wait…it already is!

In July of 2009, President Obama nominated Dr. Regina M Benjamin to serve as the 18th Surgeon General of the United States.  No pun intended, but this came as a big surprise.  Here we are, smack-dab in the middle of the never-ending obesity epidemic, and suddenly, a fat woman is selected to be DC’s spokesperson on matters of health.  Did any of us see that coming?  Especially when Obama’s own wife is a rail-thin woman on an anti-obesity crusade?

Makes me wonder if Obama’s got a bit of FA in him; an FA side that he’s working hard to keep out of sight.

Obama has already started his second term as president, so if evidence of an affair with a portly intern came to light, he won’t suffer it.  But what about our mystery man mentioned in the aforementioned vlog?  Is he an aspiring public official?  Is he afraid that ill reception of his sexual orientation will be a road block in his political career?  Once again, the face of America has changed quite a bit since the 20th century.  We see MANY faces now, and those faces belong to successful lesbians like Ellen DeGeneres and successful fat women like Brooke Elliott.  They belong to mixed-race personalities like Tiger Woods, the Rock, and the President himself.  Cultures and subcultures of all kinds are finding success in today’s land of opportunity.  With that said, I’d prefer to think that THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME for men in the public eye to be more open about fat admiration.  Dr. Benjamin is proving that fat women can be healthy while actress Brooke Elliott is proving that fat women can be spirited and desirable.  All we’re missing are men who embrace such desires, and to see such men in public office would be a miracle for the BBW/FA world; to see a respected authority figure with a fat wife would be the beginning of the end of fat admirers viewed as deviants.

Of course, I don’t know who this mystery man is, I don’t know what he does for a living, and I prefer not to pass judgment without any facts.  All I intend to do here is offer up my opinion, and in my opinion, there is no excuse for any man to hide his FA nature.  Not anymore…not in this modern, politically-correct, anti-bully society.  I urge ALL fat admirers earning their living in the public eye to come forward, for you all have the power to lead, and our subculture needs leaders.

I’m the UncannyBruceman, and I approve of this message.

Starting A Chapter In Buffalo

Posted in BBW/FA/SSBBW with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 19, 2013 by uncannybruceman

It’s been a busy, busy, busy couple of months.

Since the start of 2013, I’ve been blessed with some golden opportunities that couldn’t be passed on, and one of those opportunities involved a documentary about unique couples and their success stories.  This 10-episode documentary follows couples seen widely as abnormal, and intends to bring you into their lives in an effort to show just how normal they really are.  In a time in which America’s divorce rate is reaching alarming highs, this documentary will introduce you to 20 couples that mainstream society may deem bizarre, and suggest that mainstream society may just learn a thing or two about them if they refrain from passing judgment for once.  Having said that, one could argue that it’s an anti-bullying piece.

Jess and I have been selected to be one of the featured couples, all of whom will have around 25 minutes of airtime to tell their story.  I haven’t seen any of the footage yet, but I’m confident that our segment will be one of the most positive representations of the BBW world ever put together for television.  Our producers were not out to do anything remotely close to shock TV, and they worked diligently to ensure that the discussions and events could be tied into a story that we were comfortable with (and proud of) telling.  We were asked to discuss how we met, what we like/didn’t like about the subculture that brought us together, and we tackled various forms of discrimination that fat people and their admirers encounter regularly.  There was no fetish talk.  No throwing spaghetti against the wall to see if it was fully cooked.  No exercise segment in which the fat girl curls up and ugly-cries on the floor because she’d rather eat ice cream than do some yoga.  Once again, Jess and I wanted to do something that our friends in the BBW/FA world would be proud of; something that could inspire the next generation.

For the finishing touch, my producers urged me to jump-start my plans to run BBW bashes in Buffalo and assemble a dance party of about 20 people.  With our combined efforts, we secured the private room of one of downtown Buffalo’s hottest bars for one night, and with YOUR support, we packed that room with 45 people.  I had the pleasure of meeting many new friends who were eager to see BBW events hosted in Buffalo, and I got to know some acquaintances on a more personal level.  With a clean conscience, I can tell you that it was a drama-free evening and that everyone left smiling.  As always, the best moments were at the after-parties, and by the time I went to bed that night, I knew that my name was attached to something to be proud of, and that the people of Buffalo want their bashes and want them NOW.

Not bad for an event assembled and promoted in under two weeks.

I’d love to get on the next BBW In The Buff right away, but the other golden opportunity I referred to lies with M&T Bank.  Recently, I was offered a position to work in credit counseling on mortgages.  I’ve been in Buffalo for nearly three years now, and this is the first lucrative offer I’ve gotten to work for a reputable employer.  In addition, spring is right around the corner and other friends of mine will be hosting events from Boston to San Diego, and I don’t want to solicit any of their business, so once I get situated with M&T, I’ll get to work on arranging an event for a summer date that people will be comfortable with.  There will be more on this in the weeks to come, and of course, I’ll provide the name, air date, and station of the documentary once it becomes available.

Thank you for your support.  Stay tuned…more to come!

WE WILL BE BACK

WE WILL BE BACK

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